Saturday, November 15, 2008

I want you to be my friend.


Remember I told you about that nice assistant principal girl I met on a sail a month ago, in which we totally clicked and chatted for hours while the boys sailed and brought us wine and sandwiches? I can actually sail a boat and pull in sails and tighten lines, so I felt bad that I reduced my role to sitting there and being awesome, but it did free me up for some new-friend making. TD wasn't bothered--he likes sailing and he had his friends and I had my new friend. I don't have many friends to begin with, much less many local hangout friends, so I was very excited. Tonight we hung out for the second time. I always test the waters of friendship by going out for a casual coffee or happy hour the first time, and if they do not immediately repudiate my friendship, I have them over for elaborate dinners in which I try to get to a girl's heart through her stomach.

She's awesome--warm, open, genuinely appreciative that I want to be her friend too, and just as eager to hang out on a semi-regular basis, which right now seems to be bi-weekly. It's like dating someone who is just as excited about you as you are about them. You will always be my gold standard instant BFF, but I am happy to find a local girl who wants to hang out with me. I only wish she had a blog. part of our instantaneous BFF-ness was that I could catch up to you by reading your archives, which I still do nowadays when I feel like giving you an invisible hug. Dang, I sound like a stalker. But our blogs got us up to speed on each other pretty quickly, and we hit the ground running. Oh well, not everyone in the world can be Amber, though they might wish it.

I made my now famous corn chowder, a fancy salad, and a tarte tatin. Yeah, I really bring it when I want someone to be my friend. Did I not email you daily, send you mix CDs and presents shortly after meeting you? The nice thing about the "just friends" thing is that I can bring it without fear of appearing freakish. When one has a sunny disposition and a clear propensity towards generosity and making early statements of friendship ("I'm so glad we met!") backed up by intent ("we should do this again!"), such acts as frequent contact and presents come off as endearing and sincere rather than freaky and potentially stalkerish. Dating, however, is fraught with tension, which is why it annoys me. I think I am built for long-term relationships in which I can be my effusive and demonstrative self, as I hate that initial period forced-aloofness. You know, purposely not calling too often, not seeing each other too regularly, and not giving mix CDs, not cooking and baking elaborate meals to show my love. I love doing the last. Especially after we've both had long days/horrible weeks--the best thing is a bowl of soup and a hug. Whenever I say how much TD and I see each other, the response is "wow, that's a lot," which I think is weird also, as it applies your subjective standard to someone else's highly individualistic situation. After a year together, 2-3 times a week + weekends is not that much, and we don't live together, and so what is too much for some? The girl I hung out with tonight sees her new beau of two months every day. That made me go "wow," but who am I to say.

Of course, people might just be wired differently. My former roommate got out of a 3-year relationship in which it was a daily chore and aggravation for her to call her boyfriend to chat, and a bi-weekly chore to make time to see him. She seems happy in her current relationship--after a year together, they see each other for half-weekends and talk on the phone once a week--if he calls two days in a row, she's wondering if something's wrong with him. I don't think I could live with that, but to each his own.

Oh, back to my girl friend date. We watched When Harry Met Sally. You're right, that movie has held up surprisingly well. Why do romantic comedies suck so hard now? I would not avoid the entire genre if they were this good. This really does make me look at my few non-partnered male friends with greater scrutiny though. Not that one should presume every dude wants to jump her petite body, but really, can men and women be friends when one is attracted to the other, and would take the opportunity to sleep with the other if the opportunity ever came up? One way to test this, I suppose, is to be single for a short period and see how many of your dude friends hit on you. Those who don't take advantage of that window might be happy being "just friends." This is probably not a great theory, and I do not suggest you apply this particular treatment effect on your test group, since you don't have a control group anyway. But anyway, I think I have all of three male friends I keep in regular contact with who are not themselves currently partnered, and one of them I knew wanted to date me back in college. Because in statistics the past does not predict the present, I probably shouldn't say he's definitively in that column either. Dang, I have no idea how many dude just-friends I actually have. Do you?

If I'm out-blogging you on your own blog, come over and blog at mine! This epistolary style inspires me to write to you when I was feeling so near blog-death on my own blog, which is why I'm here so often. And I'm sure my languishing readership would appreciate you. I know you feel as acutely as I do the reduction from 10 emails a day to 2-5 because we're writing each other publicly now, but don't worry--I'll keep sending you links of dresses I wish I could buy. Like this one. Jackie K! Perfect for holiday parties, and the bateau neck is flattering. I tried on this dress, which I like in theory, but on my figure the high neck made me feel too self-consciously like a several inches shorter Joan Holloway, and I just don't have the height nor vampy personality to bring it like that. Then again, my head is kind of twisted if I think v-necks are less agressive, but that's what they say to do. And it sounds kind of like I read too many fashion magazines (when I don't read any) to impute personality affect into my clothing choices. Although, there are some who don't care what they wear, nor what clothes say about them, and I don't get that. By the way, you would look awesome in this dress.

Ok, I have to go to bed so that I can wake up and get drunk wine-tasting.
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