Last night's episode of The Simpsons was much ballyhooed, as Fox announced that one of the show's characters would come out of the closet. Since The Simpsons gets watched in my house every. single. time. it is aired, of course we were tuned in for the not-so-shocking revelation of Patty's lesbianism.
The plot (spoilers follow): Springfield, in an attempt to increase tourism, legalizes same-sex marriage. Homer becomes an ordained minister via the Internet and sets up a chapel in the garage to perform weddings for $200 a pop. Patty asks Homer to marry her to Veronica, a butch dame she met on the PGA tour, but Marge just can't cope with the news that Patty likes ladies. But when Marge discovers that Veronica is really a man, how will she tell Patty without seeming like she's attempting to sabotage a lesbian wedding?
The real lesson here is that same-sex marriage notwithstanding, the ill to be combatted is presexual marriage. How could this Crying Game situation have arisen without some abstention on Patty's part? Shouldn't it behoove one to check whether your beloved has all the desired bits before binding yourself to them for life? And if it's not important enough to you to check this before wedding, perhaps the answer is not to reject the person you love at the altar because you like girls. If Patty loved Veronica before her discovery, what would be the relevance of the revelation (if they already had a satisfactory physical relationship)?